Exercise and Recovery

I’m going to be a little controversial with this post. I’m going to suggest that for a large majority of ED sufferers, recovery would be best done while they maintain their work or school, and for athletes, their training.

Before everyone gets riled up about it, I am not talking about those so severely undernourished that they are at risk of dropping dead from a massive heart attack at any minute, or those with suicidal tendencies….clearly an inpatient program would be best for these patients (at that stage in their recovery, even if those programs for the most part keep people alive but do not really assist in long term recovery and have notoriously high relapse rates….but that’s a post for another day). I am talking about the majority of ED sufferers who are under their individual ideal weight (note I did not say “under BMI 18” – how ridiculous, what about the person with a bigger frame who is still starving but able to maintain a BMI of 21? Are they “less sick”? of course not), are still participating in work or school, and particularly those who are athletes and see that as a part of their identity. I’m talking about the people who are functioning in society, but are significantly affected day to day by their eating disorder – maybe with the accompanying depression, lack of energy and concentration, fatigue, social isolation and the other joyous side effects.

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Here’s why. Think about this: What is the biggest challenge in recovery? I would argue that one of the hardest parts about recovery is learning to lose the “ED” identity and to learn who you really are as a person. Only once that has occurred can one begin to truly move on with their lives and to want to nourish their mind and body. Only then do they have a sense of self to take care of – a reason to recover, if you will. For recovering for someone else, or to get out of Inpatient care, or for the sake of a “goal weight”, will never do it. That typically leads quickly back to a relapse and the cycle that entails.

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Inpatient care, while necessary to sustain a life on the edge, takes away all the other factors in the patient’s life that will be the foundation of their true identity as they return to health: their job, their hobbies, their social network, and for athletes, their training and usually tightknit support crew – coaches and fellow athletes. Not only does it take those things away, it actually forces the patient to focus 100% of their time and energy on the eating disorder. Their days are spent focusing on food, psychology, analysis, resting, scales, and usually the added bonus of in-house competition between patients on who is the “most sick”. Statistically, success rates aren’t good – the weight is temporarily gained, yes; but in the long term, recovery rates can be as low as 20% for patients who have had an ED for an extended time period. The statistics have not improved even after a few decades of treatment in this way. Why not?

At some point, the patient needs to learn how to function in society in a healthy way, and for this to happen there needs to be a reason for the patient to want to get better. Want being the key word here. When an athlete-patient is allowed to keep training, albeit at a reduced load, there is an all-important reason for them to put in all the hard yards day to day that go with recovering from an eating disorder. There can be clear goals and rewards: you gain X weight, you get to train X amount. You eat X foods, you get to attend X training sessions. If you don’t, you can attend but you have to sit out and watch. Sure, it’s harder to gain weight while still training. But guess what? Eating like an athlete is hard, full stop. Years on I still find it a challenge day to day. When you train hard, you have to work even harder on fuelling your “machine” (body), and the sooner a patient gets used to that process the sooner they can master it. Secondly, gaining the weight as muscle, bone density and fat via increased food and some continuation of training is much healthier and less traumatic for the patient than gaining fat alone on a resting protocol. Lastly but most importantly, there are three overwhelming psychological benefits to this approach:

1) the motivation-reward system is clear and immediate;

2) the social interaction with teammates and coaches is maintained, which is so important;

3) the patient is nurtured through the process of minimising their ED identity and replacing that empty space with their “healthy athlete identity”. {You can replace “athlete” and “training” with anything else relevant – student and school, physio and work, etc.}

The key to this process is to have a fantastic support team who can facilitate this transition. For me, it was a brilliant Sports Dietician (it was her idea to allow me to keep training – every other rehab program I had entered forced me to rest and spiral into depression), a brilliant Psychologist who specialises in treating athletes with eating disorders, a Coach who was on board with the plan, and a flexible workplace (I was still studying at University but my part-time job as a research assistant allowed me to set my own work hours, so I could go in when my energy levels were highest – early in the morning). For the most part, my dietician set out my goals for the week and my rewards – when and if I could train etc. All the while she communicated with my psychologist, who from the get-go has focussed on establishing my identity as an athlete. As he reminded me recently, I have always done best when we focus on what my body can do (as an athlete), not how it looks. All body fat % and weight measures were taken away from me, and replaced by more relevant measures like time trials and power outputs. And the only way I can get stronger, fitter, faster, and keep up with my teammates? To eat. Simple as that. I know when I skimp, I fall behind, and as a competitive person, that is motivation enough to nourish my body.

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The best part is that the system WORKS. And it’s not just a bandaid fix – it works in the long term. To this day, years on from the start of my “recovery”, I still have a crappy day at work, feel “fat” as my go-to coping mechanism, and then know that if I go and do a solid training session, by the time I walk back through that door at the end I am going to be happy with my body and what it can do for me. Nothing to do with how it looks or what it weighs. Simply what it can do. And that’s pretty cool. Add in the extra bonuses of a good training session – fresh air, endorphins, improved fitness, mental clarity, relaxation – and it’s a win-win situation.

I make it sound easy and like the obvious solution, which for me, it was (obvious, not easy!). Nothing else had worked over the decade beforehand. And certainly this system wouldn’t work for everyone either, but for athletes, I would argue that it is the best way to structure treatment. Realistically, there needs to be a change in the way we treat eating disorders in Australia as the current inpatient systems are not working in terms of long-term outcomes and relapse rates. There is no easy answer.

Food for thought anyway.

Happy training xo

And Isn’t it Ironic: Anorexia and Ultraendurance Events

Once upon a time while in the middle of a large training block for an upcoming Ironman triathlon, I walked in on a conversation between my husband and our coach. They were having a competition about who had managed to get through their 5 hour ride on the least amount of nutrition – ie, they were competing about who was the better fat-burner, which is a huge factor for success in ultraendurance events like Ironman. Coach thought he was going to be awesome, because he’d had an eating disorder for about a year while running competitively at college (he is now recovered); my husband, on the other hand, had been specifically working on developing his fat-burning engine over the last few months – not an uncommon thing to do amongst Ironman athletes. Controversial? Absolutely. Effective? Most of the time. If you can get away with 20+ hours a week of training on not enough nutrition. Most athletes eventually crash and burn – through either injury or illness – prompting sports dieticians to admit that while these behaviours in high-level athletes can be effective at creating adaptations to fat-burning, they are also highly risky and are to be used sparingly and under the guidance of a qualified coach or dietician.

Husband: I just got through a 5 hour ride with 3 bottles of Gatorade, a banana and 2 Gu’s….beat that….

Coach: (laughs) well I got 3 hours in on nothing but water, then I hit the wall so bad – we had to stop and buy Coke and Mars bars to finish it off! I feel so wiped out now I can’t get off the couch haha.

Me: You two are such amateurs. I was doing the same ride, I wasn’t aware we were having a competition – I had 3 Gu’s for the whole ride and I wasn’t actually trying….and I feel fine now….seriously, you two should stick to short-course triathlon….

Moral of the story? If there has to be an upside to Anorexia, it has to be the amped-up development of the best fat-burning system on the planet. I mean, seriously – my body is out of control with this. It’s actually unfair to my competitors. So often during 3 hour long runs or 5 hour bike rides, I see my husband struggling with fatigue and hitting the wall and yet my engine just keeps on churning it out. I’ve lost count of how many times we have discussed a physical feat that should not be possible, according to the textbooks – and yet I’ve just done it. Case in point: at Busselton Ironman in 2012, I very stupidly accidentally consumed a drink with gluten in it right before the start. As a coeliac, that = disaster. I got about 2 hours in then started vomiting for the next few hours on and off, then came the stomach cramps and gastro. I got nothing but water and a bit of watermelon down during the race, and yet I still managed to finish. Two hours before my husband. In 35 degree heat. It should not be physically possible to exercise in those conditions on that little nutrition for 11+ hours, and yet – there I was, I’d done it. What an engine.

Marino Vanhoenacker passing by an aid station at Melbourne Ironman 2014

Marino Vanhoenacker passing by an aid station at Melbourne Ironman 2014

There isn’t much formal evidence of this phenomenon, but there is a hell of a lot of anecdotal evidence around. A quick look around at the top Ironman, marathon and ultramarathon professional athletes in the world reveals a huge proportion of previously eating-disorder-afflicted athletes. Some still have obvious ED’s. Even more would currently have well-hidden disordered eating patterns. And I’m not just talking about females, either. There are a pair of professional brothers who compete in Ironman and one of them has such a severe eating disorder that despite over 1 million dollars being laid on the line by their sponsor for the two of them to go head to head at Hawaii Ironman a few years back, the ill brother didn’t even make it to the starting line because his ED was so out of control that he was admitted as an inpatient, missing the race altogether.

Then there’s arguably the best female ultramarathoner we have seen to date, Pam Reed, who won Badwater outright two years in a row, beating all the men in the field:

“…And there was also an ironic twist to all of this. Anorexia had ruled my life for 15 years and had done a lot of damage in the process. One of its effects had been to condition my body to an amazing degree for ultrarunning. Something that had hurt me at one time in my life would now help me in another”
– from “The Extra Mile”, Pam Reed.

Need more evidence? Let’s look at the maths, and let’s stick to Ironman since that’s my thing. A typical 65kg athlete who completes the Ironman (3.8km swim/180km bike/42.2km run) in 12 hours will burn around 42000 kj doing so. That’s on top of the roughly 8000kj that same athlete needs just to stay alive that day – breathing, thinking, blinking etc. Think about that for a second: do you think it’s even possible to physically eat that much in a day? Let alone on a day you are exercising – hard – for 12 hours of it, shunting blood away from your digestive system? Well let me tell you, even if you have “Ironguts” like my husband (who is famous at our local pool for chowing down on a large flat white and bacon and egg muffin while getting into the pool to start his 4km swim set….), you cannot ingest that much energy. Not even close. If you’re lucky, you’ll have about 90 minutes worth of carbohydrate stored in your primed muscles, but after that, it’s predominantly the fat system that you’ll rely on. Most of the energy that you consume after that will be split between helping to prolong that fat-burning system, and importantly, to keep your brain happy. Recent research shows that while dieticians used to think we used the fuel from Gu’s and Gatorade to keep our muscles happy, it’s actually more to trick our brain into thinking we are still high on sugar and so it’s safe to continue exercising. Pretty cool stuff.

Unfortunately, Ana doesn't make you immune to blisters!

Unfortunately, Ana doesn’t make you immune to blisters!

So while I would never wish an eating disorder on anyone, I am happy for the gift that it has given me. Happy that something came from all the years of suffering (one must try to look on the bright side!). Before my very first Ironman a few years back, Coach and I were going through my nutrition plans for the day – Plan A, B, C, D….. because nothing ever goes to plan on race day and you must be flexible. His last words to me were “you will dominate this – you are so strong because of everything you’ve been through, when you get to the point where you have to “dig deep” you will absolutely thrive. And……don’t be afraid to start drinking coke early on the marathon!”. Well, he proved to be oh so right. I couldn’t stomach much during the bike leg, so was heading into the marathon feeling a bit flat. I started on coke and water straight away, and kept that up throughout. Sure enough, my brain was super happy with that! While everyone around me was collapsing like flies, I just kept getting stronger and stronger – the fat-burning kicked in and I was having a ball! Indeed, I got to the end and was disappointed that it wasn’t a bit harder.

I joked to Coach we might try the UltraMan next time (back-to-back Ironmans).

We’ll see what the future brings!

K xo

The Dirt on Dieticians

Everything you’ve wanted to know that the internet won’t tell you.

“Experience is the father of all wisdom.
And assumption is his bitch” – Brett Sutton.

Cake.  It's just cake....not the spawn of the devil.....

Cake. It’s just cake….not the spawn of the devil…..

If there’s one thing certain to strike fear into the bones of most humans, it’s someone knowing the intimate details of your daily doings – every morsel of food and fluid intake scrutinised, every measure of fitness and body fat calculated, every minute of calorie-sapping exercise tallied. And judged. Usually by an underweight and pale young woman sitting unusually upright on the other side of a cold desk (sorry for the stereotype but I know a lot of dieticians and it’s hard to argue with it!).
OK so they get a bad rap. But here’s the thing – they can be your ticket to freedom and your greatest ally. They can get you what you want, faster than you can get there on your own. They can take you to new heights of perfectionism in the body composition department and by default, they can lift your athletic performances through the roof. And lower your injury and illness count. They can help you learn to eat more normally, without necessarily putting on weight.

So what’s the catch? Like any industry, there are bad ones and good ones, and you need to get it right. A bad experience can be nothing short of traumatising, so do the work first to limit the chances of hitting a bad one.

Look for an Accredited Sports Dietician (whether you’re an athlete or not…).

In Australia to become a dietician requires a 4 year-degree. During that time they learn a lot about a lot….but don’t become specialists in any one field. They’re basically good at general nutrition and hospital nutrition. To then become an Accredited Sports Dietician they have to do an extremely difficult course which involves training in the specifics of manipulating body composition in athletes and also in dealing with eating disorders, which come with a host of specific challenges (physiologically, metabolically and emotionally). I actually know good dietician friends of mine who openly admit they won’t treat ED’s, so challenging is the task. So rule number 1 to avoid a horrible experience with a dietician is to find a good one with appropriate training, and you can minimise that risk by searching on the Sports Dieticians Australia website (or relevant body in your country).

Even better: Find a Sports Dietician who has an interest in treating Eating Disorders (note I did not say “find a dietician who obviously HAS an eating disorder….).

I’ve had several bad experiences with the stereotypical uptight-skinny-hospital-dietician in my time and while they were great at boosting my weight when I probably needed it, they weren’t great at inspiring my faith in the recovery process being all rainbows and unicorns (it’s not, but it doesn’t have to be as bad with the help of someone more useful and “real-world”). So how do you find a good one without totally blowing your cover? Well I was lucky enough to have a close friend go through the dietician process first, and I knew that she was seeing someone but not gaining any weight. I probed. She confided that she instructed the dietician that she wants to learn to eat more normally, but only under the proviso she didn’t gain any weight and didn’t have to stop exercising. And the dietician obliged. I booked in the next week.

Failing being that lucky, the internet is a good resource for searching – most good dieticians will have a bio on their website and state their treatment interests. Also check their photos if they have them and see if they have a glint in their eye, shiny hair, glowing skin, no collarbones sticking out…..the healthier they are the better off you’ll be with them.

“The thought of fronting up for the first time makes me want to vomit”, “they’re going to see straight through me!”, “I’m too fat to have an eating disorder”, “If they find out how little I eat they’ll tell my family” …..and other irrational fears.

I 100% understand all of the above fears and many more. So having been through it myself, here’s the actual facts of the matter.

Yes, they will likely see straight away that you have disordered eating of some type but they will not bring that up with you, at least not initially. They legally cannot tell anyone, unless you are under 18 and extremely, about-to-drop-dead underweight (if you are over 18 you will have a say in the matter). Anything that is said to them – exercise patterns, food intake, weight etc – is legally confidential. It’s a safe space. A good dietician probably won’t weight you, and especially won’t if you ask not to be. My dietician always took other measures like circumferences but never told me what they were, just whether they were up or down. People with dietary issues come in all shapes and sizes – seriously sick bulimics can be overweight, just like someone who’s had anorexia for a very long time can be normal weight due to metabolism dysfunction – so they will never, ever look at you and think “you’re too fat to have an eating disorder”. Ever. Promise.

If you’re seeing a private dietician, and you’re paying for it, their job is to facilitate you with your goal. Whatever that goal is.
If you go in and request to eat more and stay the same weight (so long as you’re not about to die on the spot from malnutrition, in which case a hospital dietician is actually more useful to you), they will work with you on that. When I first started seeing my dietician, I was 8kg less than I am now, my “healthy adult weight”. So, not grossly underweight, but not ideal either. I was hardly eating anything, exercising the house down, miserable…..and my metabolism was getting more thrifty by the year (making it harder to lose weight). I was over it.

What she did then single-handedly prompted my recovery, in earnest this time. Over the course of a long time, she introduced more foods and more volume, and – miraculously – I actually maintained weight, even lost it at one point. During this “trust” experiment, we also included a period of 2 weeks of zero exercise, to overcome my greatest fear – of putting on weight if I stopped training. It was the scariest thing and still makes me feel sick remembering how stressful it was. I actually lost weight, which gave me a huge confidence boost in my mind and body.

Of course, I did need to gain weight in order to be healthy. But she never pushed me, just gently supported me and taught me to trust food and my body. I maintained that weight for a further 3 years, then eventually when I was ready I allowed my weight to very slowly increase to where it sits today. And I can honestly say, now that my body has hit its set point, I can pretty much eat whatever I like and it stays within 1-2 kgs. I put this down to having such a good program to start with.

You don’t need a referral from a doctor to book in.
In Australia you can call and book with a private dietician without a referral. You do not need to tell the receptionist over the phone what you want to be treated for. The cost will vary, depending on the practitioner (generally better ones are more expensive); you can claim about half the fee back from your private health cover.
Ultimately you are paying for the service and hence their job is to meet your goals. They will discuss your goals with you and go through relevant information, give you little things to work on. They’ll send you off for a couple of weeks to work on it and then remeasure and continue. Every single day they see patients who have exercise addictions, want to improve body composition, have disordered eating, thrifty metabolisms and crazy dietary practices, and who think “they’re too fat to have an eating problem”. There’s nothing they won’t have seen.

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My road to recovery would have been a rollercoaster of metabolism riots and psychological warfare – as opposed to a relatively smooth upwards progress curve – had I not made the mighty step to make contact with my dietician. How do I know? Because I’d tried the other way for a decade beforehand. And it was failing miserably.

“You do not drown simply by falling into dark waters; you only drown if you stay beneath the surface” – Paolo Coelho

You can do it.

K xo